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The thing about people who drive SUVs |
[Beefy] |
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Is that they're overweight yet smug, posting 'no smoking' signs and telling you to mind your q's and p's |
[Francine] |
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Their children are overweight and under-mannered, if fact, they seem quite rude |
[Beefy] |
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Often when watching good guys vs. bad guys and the good guys win, these kids have perversely booed |
[Francine] |
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And why, when you live in a big, paved-over city, |
[Beefy] |
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Your neighbors, who live in broom-closet-size apartments, keep dogs as big and mean as G. Gordon Liddy? |
[Francine] |
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It's not that I'm one to complain, bitch, whine or moan |
[Beefy] |
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But why do I end up in "voice jail" every time I press all those numbers they tell me on the phone? |
[Kansas Sam] |
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Like that time I tried to reach the IRS |
[Francine] |
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A mess!
|
[Will H]
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Perhaps it's a sign of increasing age |
[Beefy] |
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That when talking to some tech support person with an accent you become frustrated and begin to rage |
[Francine] |
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The more machines are meant to help, the more they let you down |
[Beefy] |
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No wonder, then, that each heartfelt digital "Your call is very important to us" makes me jeer and frown |
[Kansas Sam] |
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I should unplug everything and call it quits |
[Francine] |
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Because devices that are meant to make our lives easier but do the exact opposite get right on my tits |
[Beefy] |
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Whenever I hear a buzz or a beep |
[Francine] |
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I want to throw the wretched device somewhere very dark and deep |
[Beefy] |
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Or should I say, shove it up.....? (You get the gist) |
[Francine] |
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To sum up, I'm pissed |
[Beefy] |