|
Never breastfeed your rottweiler |
[Francine] |
|
Or suckle your duck |
[Helen Owly] |
|
You'll quickly discover |
[Beefy] |
|
If you have a lover that such talents will not beguile her
|
[Francine]
|
|
Never spit in the street |
[Beefy] |
|
Or cut through a cul-de-sac |
[Helen Owly] |
|
For you'll soon realize |
[Francine] |
|
That a man of your size is not light on his feet
|
[Beefy]
|
|
Never short-sheet a dictator |
[Francine] |
|
Or mention the Emperor's lack of clothes |
[Karin] |
|
You'll very soon learn |
[Beefy] |
|
As you twist and turn that we won't be seeing you later
|
[Francine]
|
|
Never dance with the Pope |
[Beefy] |
|
Or laugh at a bishop's pointy hat |
[Francine] |
|
For swiftly you'll find |
[Karin] |
|
Torquemada's unkind and knows what to do with a rope
|
[Francine]
|
|
Never play tag with a frog |
[Beefy] |
|
Or french-kiss any amphibian |
[Francine] |
|
It will dawn on you soon |
[Grayman] |
|
That your pet raccoon, feeling jilted, will boycott your blog
|
[Francine]
|
|
Never drink milk that has spoiled |
[Karin] |
|
Or half-and-half that has curdled |
[Francine] |
|
For speedily you'll know |
[Karin] |
|
That nothing's so slow as a kettle you watch being boiled
|
[Beefy]
|
|
Never lip-sync "Auld Lang Syne" |
[Francine] |
|
Or hum "Jabberwocky" |
[Kansas Sam] |
|
For soon you will see |
[Francine] |
|
That the powers that be will issue a pretty large fine
|
[Beefy]
|
|
Never nibble a piranha |
[Grayman] |
|
Or pull on a gator's tail |
[Karin] |
|
Ere long you will note |
[Francine] |
|
As to the bottom you float that the beasties are chomping right on ya
|
[Karin]
|
|
Never whistle in church |
[Beefy] |
|
Or pass wind in a mosque |
[Francine] |
|
Or before you can blink |
[Beefy] |
|
There'll be quite a stink and then a cavity search
|
[Francine]
|
|
Never flambé your spleen |
[Kansas Sam] |
|
Or barbecue your liver |
[Francine] |
|
The upshot is clear |
[Beefy] |
|
When your vitals you sear your face turns an odd shade of green |
[Francine] |